Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Anahata is only 1 year and so far can only sign, "milky". So telling us what is wrong is out of the question. With tears down her eyes, her little back arching and her crying loudly, she tries to communicate that something is wrong. Stephen and I are challenged to speak and listen to one another as we panic. We wonder if we should be heading to the emergency room as we helplessly trade her off to comfort her and flip through our pediatric health book. I wonder if the piece of yoga mat she ate earlier today is lodged in her intestines or if the eucalyptus oil I used in the bath and on her bed is burning her skin and nostrils.
The more we panic, the louder she cries. After singing, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and dancing with her in a circle, Stephen hands her off while I try to comfort her. I decide to calm down and really listen to her. I try to connect on a level of intuition. I am quiet. Peaceful. I breathe in and out. Soon she is quiet too. She takes my breast and starts to fall asleep. I stay here on the couch for another 10 minutes or so. Then we go to bed.
Peace is every step. It is every moment. Present moment. Wonderful moment. Even in our fear.
I thank Thich Nhat Hanh for his wisdom and inspiration.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Just 1 year and 1 day ago a huge blessing came into this world. Our daughter, Anahata, was born! The journey to that day and the journey to today was a huge leap of faith, sraddha. In 2004, I found out that I had three large tumors on my ovaries. They had to be removed because of the risk of them rupturing or twisting my ovaries and damaging my ability to have children. So, 6 weeks before my wedding I decided to have open abdominal surgery to remove them. It was supposed to be a 1 1/2 hour surgery, it took over 4 hours. When I came to, my doctor told me that we would have to see if I went into menopause since over 1/2 of each ovary had to be removed. I prayed. I chanted. I believed I would be able to have a baby, to not go into early menopause. I had faith that what ever happened it was a journey into the unknown.
4 weeks to the day after my surgery I had my cycle. I celebrated like it was my first cycle! About 4 months after that, with a clear bill of health, we decided to start trying to get pregnant. We did about 1 year later, but lost the baby soon after finding out that we were pregnant. So, back to the faith! After another year, we got pregnant again and then our sweet Anahata came to us on April 6, 2007.
In Pantanjali's Yoga Sutras, 1:20, Pantanjali writes, "Wholeness is preceded by faith, energy, mindfulness, union, and awareness. " We need to have faith in the process, the practice, the outcome, the teacher, and the yoga. Faith is made up of trust in ourselves and trust in the experience of life working out. Faith is the williness to step forward with no guarantee that we won't fall. The mystery of the universe and our existence in it demands faith in all that we do.
Cheers to Faith........Sraddha!